I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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