I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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