Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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