A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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