i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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