people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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