FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
