my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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