remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize