I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
