I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
