Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
