Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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