i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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