Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
