kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
