Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Randomize
