I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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