I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
