I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
two words...techno handjob
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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