no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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