her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
40s are totally the cure
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
