He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
