we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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