My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
