dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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