if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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