Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Are we still banned from the library?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
