i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
