so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
