Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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