At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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