with your own penis?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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