That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
