So drunk its hurt
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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