I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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