I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
