I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
