Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
