Are we in a gay sports bar?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
