I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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