There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
my sisters under your porch take her home
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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