Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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