Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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