Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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