Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
