I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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