Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
