This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
