Please, let me fuck your mom
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
