drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
