i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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