he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
